I have to be mushy for a minute!
Today was GET ORGANIZED DAY...After looking over all of Santa's gifts,very large gifts ie; Rose Petal Cottage, A rideable indoor/outdoor train with extra tracks, the large doll house, ect....I looked around and realized the girls playground was TOOO small for anymore toys...(I donated many items a few weeks ago)...So...the basement is now a giant family room/playroom...It looks awesome! With this many emotions surfaced....I cried..No, I am not crazy...
The thing is, I packed up baby toys..all of my baby toys and items...I packed them in boxes and sent them to my cousin who is expecting in the next few weeks...toys and boppies, bottle warmers, play mats, all of my baby clothes, and even the boppy chair, Emsley's favorite place to sleep up until she was 5 months old. My babies..I have no more babies...What I learned through the last several years is that "fertility is not a given, it is a gift..."If anyone knows the pain and joys of fertility it is I...I waited so long for a child..I tried so hard, and I went through so many disappointments...I recently had my heart broken with the loss of our last child, and still, I did not expect that parting with all of these "memories" would sadden me on so many levels..I guess my heart and soul has not healed completely..did I really expect the pain of my losses to just "disappear"??
Then came a new milestone...Emsley is crawling, not army crawling, she is really crawling! She is eating solid foods and even held her bottle for the first time today...she is no longer an infant, she is a baby..a baby who is almost ONE!
Let's see..how did Olyvia play a part in all of this? She removed her clothing for the first time and attempted to dress herself..we converse as though we are girlfriends, and she prefers more "alone' time...
My girls are becoming independent and this saddens me...
Finally, as I looked over my new basement, pre-school like play ground...I realized..my girls are old enough to play in the basement..(I did put a camera down there to see them from the middle floor of the house)...but they are growing..they are becoming "little people"...and I..I am having a hard time with that..
I cannot help but think, am I done being a mother to an infant??
2 comments:
You are NEVER done being a mother! Think about all the times you have needed your mother, even now! You will always be their mother and they will always need you...maybe not EXACTLY the way you want to be needed, but they will always need you!
Baby steps, girl...baby steps! Love you!!!!!
jen-each step of the way, from birth to 22, is an amazing journey. enjoy each phase, rather than wishing time would stand still. you wont believe the ups and downs, happy times and trying times, adorable days and sassy days, hand clapping days and nail biting days, girl chat days and hold your tongue days that are in store for you !!! i could go on and on!!!! enjoy each day, each moment, and one day you'll be a grandmother with an infant back in your arms. here's to a merry christmas and a happy new year. love, nancy
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