Focused........

It is all about focus and regaining clarity...
Although I have yet been able to make it through the day without crying...I do it.

I have to...there is no coping...what is coping anyway? To cope with something, to me sounds a little ridiculous. I am using the term "Focusing".

I am focusing on the sadness of my loss...I am focused on what it is..it is a loss. It is sad. It is unfortunate. It is horrible, and I am angry...

I am focused on trying to realize I will never know why...

How and why I ever got pregnant in the first place, why I lost the baby after the supposed "Safe point"...Why I had to see the baby on the ultrasound screen,

and why I had to endure this pain on so many occasions.

I am focused on taking baby steps towards just being "O.K.' with it all. I am not expecting to ever recover completely, just be O.K....just accept my destiny.

I am focused on my children, and living for them...I am focused on continuing to make them smile everyday...and watching in amazement how the human life grows...

I am focused on my happiness, and that of my family...

I am focused on reminding myself everyday of how lucky I am...

Thank you all for your sweet emails, letters, cards and flowers...

This update is for all of you since I have not been returning phone calls..

I am focusing...we will be O.K....

By the way,

Today I bought the Marc Jacobs "I love you" necklace in memory of

my forever 10, so they will always be close to my heart...

This is the last post on the subject..

My focus is now 100% on my two tiny miracle girls...

The love of my life, and the reason for "focusing" on here and now....

P.S...they have not left my side...