Being a good girl for Santa!

Bitter Sweet!

I have to be mushy for a minute!

Today was GET ORGANIZED DAY...After looking over all of Santa's gifts,very large gifts ie; Rose Petal Cottage, A rideable indoor/outdoor train with extra tracks, the large doll house, ect....I looked around and realized the girls playground was TOOO small for anymore toys...(I donated many items a few weeks ago)...So...the basement is now a giant family room/playroom...It looks awesome! With this many emotions surfaced....I cried..No, I am not crazy...

The thing is, I packed up baby toys..all of my baby toys and items...I packed them in boxes and sent them to my cousin who is expecting in the next few weeks...toys and boppies, bottle warmers, play mats, all of my baby clothes, and even the boppy chair, Emsley's favorite place to sleep up until she was 5 months old. My babies..I have no more babies...What I learned through the last several years is that "fertility is not a given, it is a gift..."If anyone knows the pain and joys of fertility it is I...I waited so long for a child..I tried so hard, and I went through so many disappointments...I recently had my heart broken with the loss of our last child, and still, I did not expect that parting with all of these "memories" would sadden me on so many levels..I guess my heart and soul has not healed completely..did I really expect the pain of my losses to just "disappear"??

Then came a new milestone...Emsley is crawling, not army crawling, she is really crawling! She is eating solid foods and even held her bottle for the first time today...she is no longer an infant, she is a baby..a baby who is almost ONE!

Let's see..how did Olyvia play a part in all of this? She removed her clothing for the first time and attempted to dress herself..we converse as though we are girlfriends, and she prefers more "alone' time...

My girls are becoming independent and this saddens me...

Finally, as I looked over my new basement, pre-school like play ground...I realized..my girls are old enough to play in the basement..(I did put a camera down there to see them from the middle floor of the house)...but they are growing..they are becoming "little people"...and I..I am having a hard time with that..

I cannot help but think, am I done being a mother to an infant??

Let it Snow, Let is Snow, Let it Snow...

Winter Wonderland!

Santa was not a big hit this year...and OH! What a Jolly Santa and Nai Nai Claus they were! Perhaps next year a hug and kiss will land on their cheeks! Thousands of lights, and glorious Chirstmas Trees filled the room, while the scent of roasted almonds filled the air. The rides, the Christmas Carols, the characters...and the friendliest of folks...Oh...what a wonderful time was spent by all at Navy Pier's Winter Wonderland this year!!

Embracing December...

With every bit of peace, love and blessing that December brings...

The first Christmas for Emsley..

with amazement

I watch the glare of Christmas lights

twinkle in her eyes...

For Olyvia...she "get's" Christmas this year,

and through her..I relive Christmas as a child..

With all of the highs and lows of 2008...

I thank God for all that I was blessed with.

Together, as a family...Jim, Olyvia, Emsley, Bailey and myself...

embrace December, as a family....

Ten Months Old....

Emsley's Milestones...

Not only beautiful with big almond shaped green eyes...our little Emsley

has the sweetest personality that captures everyone around her...

Emsley Mila...

you,

Army Crawl..

You can climb up on furniture all by yourself..

You can wave "Hi" and "Bye Bye"...

You wave your arms and hands high up in the air too "So Big"....

You clap "Yeah"...and you make a sound, which I think is your way of saying "YEAHHH"..

You scrinch up your nose and blow..making a silly face...This is the funniest face I have ever seen!!
You play independently very well...but you absolutely love being around your big sister....

Just yesterday you and I were spending alone time together...We sang "no more monkey's jumping on the bed" as we held Curious George and bounced him around...I pointed to his eyes and said "Eyes Emma".. Do you know that after only being told this once, when asked where the monkeys eyes were you pointed to them!! You are so smart!

You have a bit of a temper, and you just break my heart when you get sad...

You do love to eat....Good job Em!

Happy Ten month Birthday Emsley!!