Another year.
Over the past two years my life has changed dramatically, more positive of course, and as I slowly moved with the circle of events that transformed my life, I learned a thing or two... I have grown and I have changed..
For the first time in my life I am afraid of dying. I am scared to death of not being there when my children need me.
I am more sensitive then ever before. This may be hard for many of you to believe, but it is true. I have been told that this is a poor character trait of mine by some, and have even been questioned by others on the sincerity of my generosity. I have always wondered if I was a little too sensitive at times, until this year. A sensitive, caring, emotional Pisces is who I am. I cry over commercials, movies, the heartache that is spreading over America in this time of recession and yes, I cry and pray for the family of the octoplets. I love the fact that I am this way. I actually feel sorry for those who have lost their compassion, or those who have never seemed to find it.
I am grateful that I have been able to stay grounded in my profession. For many, the everyday life in law Enforcement can turn an individual a little bitter and hardened. For me, this job has made me more compassionate, and more caring. I want to save the world one day, and I will..one child at a time.
I have learned not to judge. The decisions that I make in my life may not be right for my neighbor. I hope that one by one, I can convince others that until you walk in another man's shoes, you cannot judge how they decide to live. Throughout this lifetime we will all carry with us many unfamiliar experiences. If we were all meant to walk the same path of life, how would we learn from one another?
This year I have also began to see the first signs of aging appear in my face. No gray hairs as of yet, but a few fine lines have formed below my eyes. Surprisingly, this is not devastating for me. I sleep less and my days are full of more chores and obligations then ever before. I nurture and care for my children and husband full time as well as taking on a full time career. I have also experienced an abundant amount of heartache over the past few years. When I look in the mirror, I am happy at what I see. Life.
I am so grateful for the gift of motherhood. I have suffered many losses, but I read a statement my girlfriend sent to me daily, and slowly I heal.
When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing
you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better...
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God
will not protect you.
It makes me sad to know that their are some out there that have voiced their opinion not to "like me". I have thought about this, and I now realize they just don't know me.
I have achieved many of my dreams but have a secret "note to myself" on those that I have yet to fulfill...I will revisit this note in the future when my children are in a place where they are more independent.
My family is the most important thing to me. I will sacrifice my dreams and goals to ensure this family comes first. When you begin a family, acts of selfishness and personal points of view are no longer important. There is no "I" in family, we are a,We.
If there is one thing I want my children to know about me, it would be how much I love them and how happy they make me. As much as I love my husband, I never knew love until I had my girls..There is no love in the world that can compare to the love a mother has for her children.
What do I struggle with? Religion. I grew up a Christian, I am a Christian. My children are being raised in a Christian household. The past four years, I have had personal struggles with events that have surfaced in my life, as well as those that have plagued America. My struggles with religion are complex. I pray everyday for guidance and understanding.
As I begin my 36th year of life, I can say I am content.
Where do I want to be next year? Exactly where I am today.
